pride

I've been thinking a lot about pride these days.
It's such a sneaky beast: pride.
It effects the way we interact with people and it effects the very stride we carry throughout the day. And it happens to be rolling through my brain in song-form today. The music group "The Avett Brothers" have a lyric that says, "I wanna have pride like my mother has. Not like the kind in the bible that turns you bad," and another musician, Thad Cockrell says "Pride won't get us where we're going."

Pride is worth singing about and it's worth thinking about in the middle of our interactions.

Sometimes Living Acts stirs up a tension between the pride the human side of me innately wants and the humility God is trying to grow in me. If I'm being truly honest, any and all relationships have the tendency to do that from time to time but it's been particularly prevalent in my mind in this house. Maybe it's because I know that the house I live in is part of a broader community and comes along with more accountability than a person might have in another living situation. Maybe it's because I know there is a certain degree of "public-ness" that comes with this experience.

We're being watched. It's something each one of us signed up for by being part of Living Acts. And we really do want to make people proud. We want people to bring us up in conversation when talking to others about what the church is doing and we want our mothers to smile as they explain to the relatives on Christmas day that we're living "in community". And we want people to leave our house feeling as though we've really met their needs in some way. We want to make people proud and we want to make ourselves proud.
pride.

Similarly, I don't want to be called out when I leave my laundry in the laundry room for a whole week or when I've become obnoxious in asking "how the job-hunt is going?". I want to go about believing that I'm never frustrating and that I make people feel fabulously inspired all of the time. I want to believe that I'm a capable adult with all my stuff sorted out.

Pride. It's a sneaky little thing that makes me slow to admit when I need to move my laundry and quick to fear that I'm failing someone.

It feels exhausting sometimes but the simple fact is, as Christians, we really are called to a great amount of good. We are called to be patient and fair and productive and to excel in all we do for others. And we're called to be held accountable to these standards by the other believers around us. It's tough.

But here's the redemptive part.
I am a sinner.
You are a sinner.
I will mess up.
You will mess up.

I wrote in my journal yesterday as I reflected on Patrick's sermon:
"When I was a kid, i was frightened by any suggestion or reminder that I 'might' be sinning. ...'might?' There is no might. Yes, I am sinning. Of course I am. But there is freedom and authenticity in coming to God with my sin as a confessed sinner and not a sinner in denial. I'm not afraid of it anymore because it's not mine to solve. It's mine to bring to He who will solve or resolve it."


I sin.
the sooner I can humble myself and accept that truth, the sooner I can freely accept the humility that will make me an eager student of all God's lessons.

pride won't get us where we're going