I spent my last night in the Living Acts house last night and I've come to the conclusion that moving is a sad thing. I spent some days thinking of this place as "Holmes County" or "where I grew up," but as reflections swim about in my head with the moving of boxes and emptying of drawers, I'm realizing that this place was a thing of its own. It doesn't fit any category I have ever had before.
This was 344 E Jackson.
This was Living Acts. So many times we struggled to know what that meant but I'm realizing now that it's very simple.
Living Acts was Melissa, Drew, Zach, Kevin, Rachel, Zack, Annie and I loving each other and loving God.
It is so strange to see this house as it so rarely was: empty. There were always people here. The "norm" of who was here transitioned like seasons. Sometimes we had a house full of artists chatting over tea. Sometimes it was Emily and Tasha joining us in our exuberant dreaming. Sometimes it was Scott and Renee and Mrs. Julia Gulia here to share some kind of deliciousness or Susan with her questions. I love her questions. (Questions might be my favorite thing ever...) Sometimes it was Megan stopping by during her own year of intentional drifting, and on one occasion it was a stranger welcomed in for a warm place to stay.
And God became real to me in new ways during my Millersburg year and a half. My faith became less contingent (on anything or anyone else) and I learned the value of discipline.
Not to mention, I have never had to be so frugal before in my life. Thanks to giving neighbors at MMC and thanks to the spring doing away with a need to heat this house, the financial trapeze got easier and easier to balance. We don't even need to buy discount groceries anymore.
I can't believe everything that's happened in my own life or the lives of the other housemates since moving here: the personal things. We have each experienced such impacting things here. Those are the things that make me most sentimental now: these things we got to witness, encourage, and engage in each others' lives: things that are too personal to blog about, but almost too important not to share. There is this side-effect of living with something that amazes me. It is an inevitable impact you get to have on someone's daily life, and they get to have on yours. This last thing may be my favorite part of community living and perhaps the part of Living Acts that has effected me the most.
I'm so honored for the lives I got to be a part of while here.
I miss our crew. I wish Melissa and Kevin were just a floor away.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
the needs
Living in Millersburg this past year and a half, I feel I am finally noticing what the needs of this community are.
I'd like to share them today and perhaps we'll all begin to form ideas of how we can speak to these needs.
1.) I think the kids here in town are bored. Sometimes this makes them act out and do things that aren't best, or sometimes it just leaves them uninspired. There are activities here and there, but few things for them to do independently. I know a lot of the kids enjoy the basketball hoop in our parking lot or the one at the park. I grew up with a woods in my backyard and I have to admit, i'm not sure what I would have done without that outdoor playground.
2.) I think the elderly in this community are lonely. This is a thought that was shared to me by a friend who works closely with the law enforcement. He listed this as a more prevalent need than drugs or underage drinking.
3.) I think us young adults have a hard time finding direction. Where do we take the degrees we've just earned? Where can we find jobs? How can we afford to move out of our parents houses? The generations before us did it.... what's wrong with us?
I would love anyone and everyone to share thoughts.
Have you noticed these needs too?
Have you noticed other needs?
Do you have ideas for how these needs can be responded to?
Do any of these needs tap into areas of passion for you?
We've interacted with some of these needs, and sometimes we've felt these needs personally as well. I'm not sure there is a "solution" that is just waiting to burst into life in someone's brain, (though...perhaps there is!) I think sometimes we try to become "need-meeters" and "problem-solvers." We want to be providers in a sense. Sometimes it's harder than that though. Sometimes we are called to simply walk with those in need and learn from them. Sometimes we are called to experience this need with people and sometimes God shows us actions we can take.
Sometimes we need to just try something.
Other times we need to watch and learn before we act.
Still other times, we fall into place and God works in the midst of our unknowing.
What do you think?
I'd like to share them today and perhaps we'll all begin to form ideas of how we can speak to these needs.
1.) I think the kids here in town are bored. Sometimes this makes them act out and do things that aren't best, or sometimes it just leaves them uninspired. There are activities here and there, but few things for them to do independently. I know a lot of the kids enjoy the basketball hoop in our parking lot or the one at the park. I grew up with a woods in my backyard and I have to admit, i'm not sure what I would have done without that outdoor playground.
2.) I think the elderly in this community are lonely. This is a thought that was shared to me by a friend who works closely with the law enforcement. He listed this as a more prevalent need than drugs or underage drinking.
3.) I think us young adults have a hard time finding direction. Where do we take the degrees we've just earned? Where can we find jobs? How can we afford to move out of our parents houses? The generations before us did it.... what's wrong with us?
I would love anyone and everyone to share thoughts.
Have you noticed these needs too?
Have you noticed other needs?
Do you have ideas for how these needs can be responded to?
Do any of these needs tap into areas of passion for you?
We've interacted with some of these needs, and sometimes we've felt these needs personally as well. I'm not sure there is a "solution" that is just waiting to burst into life in someone's brain, (though...perhaps there is!) I think sometimes we try to become "need-meeters" and "problem-solvers." We want to be providers in a sense. Sometimes it's harder than that though. Sometimes we are called to simply walk with those in need and learn from them. Sometimes we are called to experience this need with people and sometimes God shows us actions we can take.
Sometimes we need to just try something.
Other times we need to watch and learn before we act.
Still other times, we fall into place and God works in the midst of our unknowing.
What do you think?
Monday, July 25, 2011
confessing fears and insecurities
Confessing insecurities
This is such a healthy thing to do, especially in the midst of life transition. Not to mention it keeps our church communities in the practice of vulnerable sharing, and hopefully in the practice of respecting the vulnerability we see in others.
If something shakes our peace, it probably needs attention but so often we hide those burning, aching fears and insecurities like sticking a band-aid over a bruise: We solve the external part of these fears without examining the internal part. We save face, and then learn to tolerate inner anxieties.
This year and a half as house leader of Living Acts has stirred up many things. (This feeling of being stirred is uncomfortable yes, but never forget that it is better than being stagnant.) As part of Living Acts, suddenly my daily life becomes relevant to others in a way that it wasn't before. Even my spiritual life or my quanitity of voluntary service becomes something that isn't just between God and I. It's between God and I -- and those invested in the Living Acts program.
This makes me afraid.
Am I good enough?
Is Living Acts good enough?
Do I do enough?
Does Living Acts do enough?
Do we measure up to the expectations of those we respect and care about?
I am realizing that I am the kind of person who can take a mole-hill of pressure and feel it as though it's a mountain of pressure. So this has been hard for me and I've found myself questioning, "Is this kind of accountability really right and good?" I know that as Christians, we accept some sense of accountability when we enter a community of beleivers and decide to love one another. But what does this accountability look like? Does it look different for people in programs such as Living Acts than it might for someone who serves and represents Millersburg Mennonite in a different way?
I don't have answers to these questions. They've simply been stirring.
I love each one of my housemates and I feel good about each one's journey. We at Living Acts have accomplished a good deal of growth and interaction in this community, but... I hate how quickly and pointedly I state those things to outsiders: as though I am trying to prove the worth of our program. I must admit I have been more likely to tell another outsider the progress I see in my housemates than I have been to approach that housemate and simply give them encouragement for what they've done. This is partially a product of my own sin: my tendancy to wish for people to think highly of me and to make them proud and happy.
This is my confession.
No...THESE are my confessions:
(I love my church community dearly and they have loved me so well. These confessions are given with humilty to people I love, in hopes that I can offer an honest picture of myself to those who deserve it.)
1.) I'm afraid I felt pressure to make those who care about Living Acts proud of our accomplishments. I cared deeply about making others proud of us, and perhaps too deeply, allowing my focus to shift from doing good to proving goodness.
2.) I'm afraid because of this tendancy in me, I'm not a very apt leader...or at least not yet.
3.) I'm afraid our impact is still unclear.
These are humbling things to admit.
But I know I'm not alone.
I know that we all fall short.
But I also know that God does very good things through even our...shortness :).
I have seen God in you, Millersburg and Millersburg Mennonite.
I am exhausted of seeking God in myself or God in the works of my own hands.
(I spent too long doing that as a child of the introspective generation of myspacers, facebookers, and profile-making pro's!)
I would like to be still and know that God is God.
...and God is God no matter where we attempt to put Him, find Him, or reveal Him to others.
Millersburg is full of God, and full of oportunities to see Him. May we all seek him every which way, without attention to who notices our seeking or our serving.
May we pay closest attention to the things that delight and praise our God.
This is such a healthy thing to do, especially in the midst of life transition. Not to mention it keeps our church communities in the practice of vulnerable sharing, and hopefully in the practice of respecting the vulnerability we see in others.
If something shakes our peace, it probably needs attention but so often we hide those burning, aching fears and insecurities like sticking a band-aid over a bruise: We solve the external part of these fears without examining the internal part. We save face, and then learn to tolerate inner anxieties.
This year and a half as house leader of Living Acts has stirred up many things. (This feeling of being stirred is uncomfortable yes, but never forget that it is better than being stagnant.) As part of Living Acts, suddenly my daily life becomes relevant to others in a way that it wasn't before. Even my spiritual life or my quanitity of voluntary service becomes something that isn't just between God and I. It's between God and I -- and those invested in the Living Acts program.
This makes me afraid.
Am I good enough?
Is Living Acts good enough?
Do I do enough?
Does Living Acts do enough?
Do we measure up to the expectations of those we respect and care about?
I am realizing that I am the kind of person who can take a mole-hill of pressure and feel it as though it's a mountain of pressure. So this has been hard for me and I've found myself questioning, "Is this kind of accountability really right and good?" I know that as Christians, we accept some sense of accountability when we enter a community of beleivers and decide to love one another. But what does this accountability look like? Does it look different for people in programs such as Living Acts than it might for someone who serves and represents Millersburg Mennonite in a different way?
I don't have answers to these questions. They've simply been stirring.
I love each one of my housemates and I feel good about each one's journey. We at Living Acts have accomplished a good deal of growth and interaction in this community, but... I hate how quickly and pointedly I state those things to outsiders: as though I am trying to prove the worth of our program. I must admit I have been more likely to tell another outsider the progress I see in my housemates than I have been to approach that housemate and simply give them encouragement for what they've done. This is partially a product of my own sin: my tendancy to wish for people to think highly of me and to make them proud and happy.
This is my confession.
No...THESE are my confessions:
(I love my church community dearly and they have loved me so well. These confessions are given with humilty to people I love, in hopes that I can offer an honest picture of myself to those who deserve it.)
1.) I'm afraid I felt pressure to make those who care about Living Acts proud of our accomplishments. I cared deeply about making others proud of us, and perhaps too deeply, allowing my focus to shift from doing good to proving goodness.
2.) I'm afraid because of this tendancy in me, I'm not a very apt leader...or at least not yet.
3.) I'm afraid our impact is still unclear.
These are humbling things to admit.
But I know I'm not alone.
I know that we all fall short.
But I also know that God does very good things through even our...shortness :).
I have seen God in you, Millersburg and Millersburg Mennonite.
I am exhausted of seeking God in myself or God in the works of my own hands.
(I spent too long doing that as a child of the introspective generation of myspacers, facebookers, and profile-making pro's!)
I would like to be still and know that God is God.
...and God is God no matter where we attempt to put Him, find Him, or reveal Him to others.
Millersburg is full of God, and full of oportunities to see Him. May we all seek him every which way, without attention to who notices our seeking or our serving.
May we pay closest attention to the things that delight and praise our God.
Monday, May 9, 2011
I've been thinking alot...
I've been thinking alot about my "here and now" and my "later..."
I guess you could say my "now and later..."
Melissa and I were sitting at the kitchen table one evening. She was crocheting a hat (something she does well and often,) and I was in between tasks, waiting for Annie to finish making dinner. I sat next to Melissa and my eye caught a book that had been sitting on our kitchen table for weeks. It's pretty symbolic how long this book stayed unnoticed, right in front of my eyes. Like the book itself, the stories inside of it were accounts of women who have survived awful war and genocide: mass-killings that are both horrible, and horribly ...invisible. like ghosts.
Melissa and I cracked the book open and were immediately struck by how little we know about episodes of genocide that have happened within our time.
With travel in my foresights, I want to know about the struggles of those I may visit, and those I should be remembering in prayer and love. It is hard to know how one should...or can react to great tragedy... but Melissa and I would like to start by reading and researching the histories of groups and peoples who have gone unnoticed...
We'll let you join us as we research...
I guess you could say my "now and later..."
Melissa and I were sitting at the kitchen table one evening. She was crocheting a hat (something she does well and often,) and I was in between tasks, waiting for Annie to finish making dinner. I sat next to Melissa and my eye caught a book that had been sitting on our kitchen table for weeks. It's pretty symbolic how long this book stayed unnoticed, right in front of my eyes. Like the book itself, the stories inside of it were accounts of women who have survived awful war and genocide: mass-killings that are both horrible, and horribly ...invisible. like ghosts.
Melissa and I cracked the book open and were immediately struck by how little we know about episodes of genocide that have happened within our time.
With travel in my foresights, I want to know about the struggles of those I may visit, and those I should be remembering in prayer and love. It is hard to know how one should...or can react to great tragedy... but Melissa and I would like to start by reading and researching the histories of groups and peoples who have gone unnoticed...
We'll let you join us as we research...
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
hands are for turning places into homes!
Last weekend we were a workin' team! Friday night we helped a local community friend move furniture, blankets, boxes and such into his new apartment. I have to admit I am the master of all things small! (I am sadly less helpful when it comes to the big stuff, but we had lots of young fellas to help out.)
The very next day we worked at an entirely different kind of home-making. This time we ripped delightfully 70's patterned carpet off the floors, pulled panels of plaster off the wall in large, jagged pieces threw the entire mess into a giant ...dumpster bin. 40 ft X 40 ft did they say?
It was really fun to work as a team together. We've had a hard time finding our stride when it comes to our volunteering. This is a small town and sometimes small towns mask their needs. There's less anonymity here than in bigger cities, so the only way to keep your privacy is to wear that mask. Hide things. I think that is one of the reasons it's hard to figure out what our community needs.
But we're here to help. We're here to serve. We're here to pursue honesty in people who may be tempted to "safe face." For this reason, I so appreciate when people ask for help like they did the other weekend. It's hard work finding out what the real needs are, and it saves us a few steps of questioning and uncertainty to be told... "hey...I need your help..."
Anyone have any thoughts as to how we can serve this private community?
The very next day we worked at an entirely different kind of home-making. This time we ripped delightfully 70's patterned carpet off the floors, pulled panels of plaster off the wall in large, jagged pieces threw the entire mess into a giant ...dumpster bin. 40 ft X 40 ft did they say?
It was really fun to work as a team together. We've had a hard time finding our stride when it comes to our volunteering. This is a small town and sometimes small towns mask their needs. There's less anonymity here than in bigger cities, so the only way to keep your privacy is to wear that mask. Hide things. I think that is one of the reasons it's hard to figure out what our community needs.
But we're here to help. We're here to serve. We're here to pursue honesty in people who may be tempted to "safe face." For this reason, I so appreciate when people ask for help like they did the other weekend. It's hard work finding out what the real needs are, and it saves us a few steps of questioning and uncertainty to be told... "hey...I need your help..."
Anyone have any thoughts as to how we can serve this private community?
Monday, March 14, 2011
what are we up to?
Living Acts is a very organic thing, we're finding out. It changes depending on who's living here AND depending on who's visiting here. (We do after all have alot of visitors.) And now we also have a lot of questions. People at the Ohio Mennonite Conference asked "what does Living Acts do?" It's hard to describe what we do at Living Acts. It's easier to talk about what we've done.
We have woken up at 4 in the morning to make egg rolls with our Laotian neighbor, (a woman who graciously helps us use these INCREDIBLE egg-rolls to fund-raise.) Let me tell you: it is so much easier waking up at 4 in the morning when you know you'll be eating the best egg-roll this world has to offer.
We have sorted boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations all over the Save & Serve thrift-store.
We have shared meals with our beloved "millersburg-ers," including Thai meals, Cajun meals, and the worst scratch-brownies I've ever forced down.
We have weekly art-nights where local artists gather to share in-process pieces of visual art, music and poetry and we have also had weekly electric-free nights where we all gather around candles and oil lamps and forgo our usual medias for whatever entertainment we can provide each other in conversation.
We host junior high students from the church, local artists, other locals passionate about community, out-of-town guests, and any other God-crafted individual who may find themselves in conversation with us.
I must be honest in telling you that we are messy people with messy lives and struggles that we can't hide or pretend don't exist. But we are all seeking something more meaningful than "self."
Isn't that what "seekers" are?
We have woken up at 4 in the morning to make egg rolls with our Laotian neighbor, (a woman who graciously helps us use these INCREDIBLE egg-rolls to fund-raise.) Let me tell you: it is so much easier waking up at 4 in the morning when you know you'll be eating the best egg-roll this world has to offer.
We have sorted boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations all over the Save & Serve thrift-store.
We have shared meals with our beloved "millersburg-ers," including Thai meals, Cajun meals, and the worst scratch-brownies I've ever forced down.
We have weekly art-nights where local artists gather to share in-process pieces of visual art, music and poetry and we have also had weekly electric-free nights where we all gather around candles and oil lamps and forgo our usual medias for whatever entertainment we can provide each other in conversation.
We host junior high students from the church, local artists, other locals passionate about community, out-of-town guests, and any other God-crafted individual who may find themselves in conversation with us.
I must be honest in telling you that we are messy people with messy lives and struggles that we can't hide or pretend don't exist. But we are all seeking something more meaningful than "self."
Isn't that what "seekers" are?
Monday, February 28, 2011
mayonaise and sharing
Community is rewarding. Everything to follow should not be without the acknowledgment of the comment i've just made.
Living in community is hard.
Have I said THAT enough yet?
I have had friends who comment that the shared-groceries part of community may challenge more than any other part of shared living. For the most part I disagree with this comment. We do pretty well with sharing food. (Maybe my carnivorous housemates are getting sick of the meatless-ness in our house...but I will naively take their lack of complaints to mean they are doing ok and would agree with me here.) Is it really so hard to share food? All of us grew up sharing foods with our siblings and parents. Is it so different to share with a franken-family?
Our bigger problem is buying enough food rather than buying foods we all like. Perhaps sharing food is easier when there's not enough money to be selective.
Having said that, we are immensely blessed and are continually provided for.
We have little tricks up our sleeve to make this whole grocery thing work.
1.) We are loved! (the broader community has been so giving! Just the other week we received anonymous gift cards to the local grocery store. I can't thank you enough, whoever you are!)
2.) Bent and Dent discount stores. Yes, discount grocery stores are a bit of a gamble and sometimes you'll return home with a fifty-cent find that tastes stale or rancid enough to be a waste of money, but for the most part our discount purchases of past expiration cereals or dented cans of beans have been marvelous and have served us well.
3.) Sam's club. Sam's club is a great place to buy anything in bulk. Well...anything you want in bulk. It wasn't until after I recited our entire grocery list to my housemate while he was at Sam's Club, that it occurred to me we may not have a use for 3 pounds of mayonnaise. Bulk rice is a good thing. Bulk soy milk is a good thing. Bulk mayo.... oops.
I think it's a good thing to need sometimes. It's good for us to need the generosity of others.
I also think it's a good thing to share.
I don't think I need to explain that one too thoroughly. We all agree that sharing is better than not sharing...right?
But how many of us really get the opportunity to share that often? In this day and age we have very individualized lives. We have our own cell phones, our own closets full of clothes we never have to share if we don't want to, and our own rooms often times.
As for me, I love sharing and I love that in this house, we NEED to share. We don't even have to discipline ourselves in that way. It's just a necessity. I may add it's teaching me so much...and I recommend it.
I dare you to share something you've been protective of with someone. Maybe a laptop or a cell phone or an I-pod, or you could start smaller and share your food or your time.
...is time really a smaller thing to share?...
anyway. Thanks for sharing in my thoughts :)
Living in community is hard.
Have I said THAT enough yet?
I have had friends who comment that the shared-groceries part of community may challenge more than any other part of shared living. For the most part I disagree with this comment. We do pretty well with sharing food. (Maybe my carnivorous housemates are getting sick of the meatless-ness in our house...but I will naively take their lack of complaints to mean they are doing ok and would agree with me here.) Is it really so hard to share food? All of us grew up sharing foods with our siblings and parents. Is it so different to share with a franken-family?
Our bigger problem is buying enough food rather than buying foods we all like. Perhaps sharing food is easier when there's not enough money to be selective.
Having said that, we are immensely blessed and are continually provided for.
We have little tricks up our sleeve to make this whole grocery thing work.
1.) We are loved! (the broader community has been so giving! Just the other week we received anonymous gift cards to the local grocery store. I can't thank you enough, whoever you are!)
2.) Bent and Dent discount stores. Yes, discount grocery stores are a bit of a gamble and sometimes you'll return home with a fifty-cent find that tastes stale or rancid enough to be a waste of money, but for the most part our discount purchases of past expiration cereals or dented cans of beans have been marvelous and have served us well.
3.) Sam's club. Sam's club is a great place to buy anything in bulk. Well...anything you want in bulk. It wasn't until after I recited our entire grocery list to my housemate while he was at Sam's Club, that it occurred to me we may not have a use for 3 pounds of mayonnaise. Bulk rice is a good thing. Bulk soy milk is a good thing. Bulk mayo.... oops.
I think it's a good thing to need sometimes. It's good for us to need the generosity of others.
I also think it's a good thing to share.
I don't think I need to explain that one too thoroughly. We all agree that sharing is better than not sharing...right?
But how many of us really get the opportunity to share that often? In this day and age we have very individualized lives. We have our own cell phones, our own closets full of clothes we never have to share if we don't want to, and our own rooms often times.
As for me, I love sharing and I love that in this house, we NEED to share. We don't even have to discipline ourselves in that way. It's just a necessity. I may add it's teaching me so much...and I recommend it.
I dare you to share something you've been protective of with someone. Maybe a laptop or a cell phone or an I-pod, or you could start smaller and share your food or your time.
...is time really a smaller thing to share?...
anyway. Thanks for sharing in my thoughts :)
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